Second Chances Reality: Little Mockingbird
by BlueRowley
Summary: Sirius babysits two-year-old Harry Snape for an afternoon while Severus sells potions to different apothecaries. When Sirius lets slip a few curse words, little Harry begins repeating them. Will Sirius be able to make Harry stop saying those naughty words before Severus returns? A one-shot in the Second Chances Reality. Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

A one-shot when Harry is just a baby - or a tot in this case. Hope it brings some laughs!

* * *

"Open wide, Harry," Severus said, holding up the spoon. "Here comes the plane!"

"No!" the two-year-old replied, turning his head away.

"Come on, Harry," Severus encouraged, holding the spoon to his mouth. "You love oatmeal. Why aren't you eating?"

"Train," Harry said with a pout.

"Excuse me?"

"Train. Choo choo to my mouth."

"Oh, I see," Severus smiled, nodding his head in understanding. "Here comes the train, choo choo!"

Harry laughed and opened his mouth as the 'train' zoomed in. He swallowed the oatmeal happily and Severus was glad the boy was finally interested in the cinnamon apple swirl oatmeal. Harry kicked his feet and bounced in his booster seat as he used his own baby spoon to scoop up oatmeal.

"Here, Daddy," Harry held the spoon up to his father, "here comes train! Choo choo!"

Severus chuckled and obediently opened his mouth and ate the oatmeal.

"Yum yum?" Harry asked.

"Very yum yum," Severus answered.

"Yummy!" Harry picked up another spoonful and ate a bite himself.

Severus returned to reading his daily prophet as Harry finally ate some of the oatmeal in his bowl. Severus had to head out that afternoon to sell nearly one hundred vials of potions he had made over the last couple of weeks. He had several apothecaries in mind that paid good money for his work. He just need Remus to babysit Harry for him. After a few moments, Harry threw his spoon and it skid across the table and fell to the floor.

"Harry," Severus gently scolded, putting his paper down. "Spoons are not for throwing."

"I want that banana!" Harry pointed to the fruit on Severus's plate.

"What do you say when you ask for something?"

"Please."

Severus peeled the banana and sliced it with his knife and put the slices on the table in front of Harry. Harry happily picked up one at a time to put in his mouth. Severus tried to return to his paper, but he could tell Harry was getting full and antsy to do something else.

"All done, Harry?" Severus asked as Harry tried to climb out of his booster seat.

"All done," Harry repeated.

Severus set the paper down and unstrapped Harry from his seat. He set Harry down, but took his hand and led him up the stairs to the boy's room. He picked Harry up and laid him down on the changing table and undressed Harry, removing the blue one-piece sleeper pajamas.

"Let's get you out of that nappy, you stinky boy," Severus cooed at Harry as he changed him.

"You stinky boy," Harry smiled.

"I beg to differ," Severus smirked, leaning down and rubbing his nose against Harry's, making the two-year-old laugh.

After putting on a fresh nappy, Severus gently tweaked Harry's nose.

"What is this thing?" Severus asked.

"My nose," Harry giggled.

"What are these?" Severus grabbed Harry's ears in his fingers.

"My ears."

"What's this?" Severus touched Harry's belly button. Harry looked down at his stomach.

"My belly button."

Severus leaned down and blew a raspberry on Harry's stomach. Harry squealed and tried to push his father's head off him. Severus kissed Harry's cheek before grabbing the clothes sitting on the end of the table. Severus held the shirt up so Harry could see.

"What's that?" Severus asked referring to the image on the dark blue shirt.

"It's a tiger!" Harry pointed up at the shirt. "Rarr!"

"Very good," Severus smiled, pulling the shirt over Harry's head. He slid on blank pants and stood Harry to pull them up. He sat Harry down to put on some socks before setting Harry on the floor.

"Let's go wait for Uncle Remus to arrive downstairs."

* * *

It was an hour before noon and Sirius flooed to Severus's manor. Remus had been called in to work, being an auror made life unpredictable. He hoped Severus wouldn't mind the change in plans. He was sure he could watch Harry. The boy was a toddler – how hard could they be?

"Whoosh!" Sirius heard Harry's voice as he stepped out of the floo. Harry liked to mimic the sound of the floo whenever it was activated. He saw Harry playing on the floor amid a hundred large building blocks.

"Sirius?" Severus asked, stepping out of the kitchen with a cup of tea. "What are you doing here? Where's Remus?"

"He was called in to help with a raid. Apparently one of the Black Estates. Understandably, I was asked not to attend."

"So, you expect me to leave Harry with you?"

"Oh, come on, Severus! I'm great with kids, especially my little godson."

Severus frowned at Sirius before looking down at his watch. It was only for a few hours, what harm could Sirius possible do? Severus sighed.

"Fine," Severus took a long sip from his tea before walking back to the kitchen. Sirius followed. "Feed him lunch in an hour; there's leftover spaghetti in the fridge, so just give him that. After lunch, put a drop of calming draught in his sippy cup and make sure he drinks it all. I usually read to him while he drinks it. It'll make going down for a nap a lot easier, trust me. You can lay him down on the couch, it's spelled so he won't fall off. Oh, and if he asks for his teddy bunny bear, it's in his crib."

"Got it, Severus," Sirius said. That wasn't too hard at all.

Severus placed his cup in the sink and set a self-washing and drying charm on it.

"He should wake up when I get back, so that should honestly be all you have to do with him. Amuse him for the hour till lunch. He'll probably just show off his toys. He may need a nappy change soon as well, everything you need is in the closet and of course there's extra upstairs in his room. Do you think you can handle that, Sirius?"

"Play with Harry, feed him lunch, put him down for a nap, and change his nappy when he needs it," Sirius said. "I can handle that Severus. Easy as one, two, three."

"One, two, three, four . . ." Harry started saying from where he had built a wall around himself.

"Harry's learning to count to ten," Severus informed, smiling at Harry. He walked to his son and picked him up. "Alright, baby. Daddy has to go out for a few hours, but Uncle Sirius is here and you can show him your new train set."

Severus gasped exaggeratedly at Harry, who clapped his hands excitedly.

"Uncle Siri!" Harry called out.

"Look, he's right here," Severus pointed at Sirius. "Give Daddy a kiss."

Harry kissed his father's cheek and Severus returned it before handing Harry over to Sirius. "Be good, Harry. Say bye-bye."

"No!" Harry screamed, reaching for Severus. Sirius tightened his hold on the boy, afraid he might drop him. "Daddy! I want you!"

"I'll be back, Harry," Severus grabbed some floo power and stood before the fireplace. "He'll calm down, Sirius, just get his attention on something else."

The floo flared and Severus was gone, leaving behind a screaming Harry and an unsure Sirius.

"Hey, tiger cub, calm down," Sirius rocked Harry in his arms. "Shh, Daddy will be back."

It took several long moments, but Harry finally calmed down to the point he was just sniffling. Harry rubbed at his eyes.

"Where's that train set you wanted to show me?" Sirius asked.

"I go get it," Harry insisted, pushing on Sirius. "Put me down."

Sirius set Harry on his feet and watched him run to a corner of the room and pick up a long, Hogwarts express train. It looked made of plastic. Harry lifted it up as he walked back over.

"Look at my train!"

"I see it, Harry," Sirius smiled. "It's a very nice train."

Harry put the train down and moved it along the carpet, saying, "Choo choo, chugga-chugga-choo-choo!"

Sirius winced at how high Harry's voice went on that last 'choo.' He knew trains were loud, but did Harry really have to try and imitate one exactly.

Sirius let Harry play and moved into the kitchen. He found the daily prophet and decided to read since he had missed it that morning. After five minutes, he saw Harry running into the kitchen with a sippy cup.

"More juice!" Harry demanded, holding the cup up to Sirius.

"How do you ask?" Sirius put the paper down.

"Please."

Sirius opened the fridge and poured a splash of the apple juice in the cup before filling the rest with water. He handed it to Harry.

"What do you say?"

"Thank you," Harry said, taking the cup and gulping it down. Sirius watched amused as Harry took slow steps back to the living room while chugging down the drink.

After another ten minutes of reading the prophet, Harry returned with the sippy cup.

"All gone," Harry informed Sirius.

"Is that so?" Sirius took the cup and set it on the table.

"Where Daddy?"

"Daddy's selling potions."

"Why?"

"Well, to make money, I'm sure."

"Why?"

"So, he can buy you more toys, how does that sound?"

"When Daddy be back?"

"Soon, Harry."

"You play with me, please?"

"Well, since you asked so nicely, what do you want to play?"

Harry led Sirius into the living room where he had scattered all the building blocks and the train was toppled sideways. Stuffed animals also littered the floor. Harry picked up a ball and held it up, ready to throw it to Sirius.

"Okay, Harry, I'm ready," Sirius said, holding his hands out to catch the ball.

Harry threw it and Sirius heard music and a voice sing 'a,' but when he caught the ball, it stopped.

"A!" Harry shouted.

Sirius looked at the ball, studying it.

"Throw it back!" Harry demanded. Sirius threw it and the music started and the voice sang 'b.'

"B!" Harry shouted, missing the ball but grabbing it off the ground.

Sirius guessed that each time the ball was thrown, it sang a letter of the alphabet. How annoying, Sirius thought. Even so, Sirius found himself playing catch with Harry for a while, and they had gone through the entire alphabet twice. Sirius looked at his watch and realized it was a little past noon.

"Are you hungry, Harry?" Sirius asked, moving forward to pick Harry up.

As Sirius lifted Harry up, he felt Harry's nappy. It was heavy and soaked.

He walked to the closet and grabbed a fresh nappy and baby changing materials. He laid Harry on the floor and pulled the pants down and undid the nappy. Harry complied easily with the process.

"Look at my shirt!" Harry demanded, pushing his chest out to show it off.

"It's a very nice shirt, Harry. What animal is that?"

"It's a tiger! Rarr!"

Sirius laughed and reached for the wipes, only to realize he had forgotten them in the closet.

"Don't move, Harry," Sirius said as he walked back to the closet.

He searched the closet and found the wipes in the back. He stood up too quickly, however, and smashed his head on the low ceiling.

"Shit," Sirius swore, backing out of the closet, rubbing at his throbbing head.

"Shit!"

Sirius froze at the tiny voice that had copied him, the pain in his head quickly disappearing. Had he heard that correctly? Sirius walked back to where he had left Harry, who hadn't moved from where he was.

"What did you say, Harry?" Sirius asked.

Harry smiled before yelling "shit!"

Severus is going to kill me, Sirius thought as he rushed forward and fell on his knees by Harry to continue changing the boy. Harry laughed at the new word he had learned and the reaction it brought out of Sirius.

"No, Harry," Sirius scolded. "It's not funny. You don't say that. It's a bad word."

"Bad word?" Harry asked.

"Yes, a very bad word."

"Shit!" Harry said again with a smile.

"No," Sirius pointed a finger at Harry, trying to sound as stern as he could. "Don't say it again."

"Shit," Harry said, giggling now and kicking his feet. "shit, shit, shit."

"Harry," Sirius growled. "Shh. Don't say that."

"Shh," Harry put a finger to his lip, recognizing one of the words Sirius said. "Shit."

Sirius dragged his hands down his face.

"Bloody hell, Harry, your father is going to kill me," he mumbled.

"Bloody hell!" Harry shouted happily.

"Harry, no!" Sirius was exasperated. Two new words taught by yours truly Sirius Black who will be facing the Grim Reaper in a matter of a couple hours. Well, technically three words. Even worse.

"Alright," Sirius thought. "How about some lunch? Can you say 'spaghetti?'"

Sirius hoped that taking Harry's mind off the new words and on something that had meaning to Harry would make the boy forget them.

"Spaghetti," Harry smiled. "Yum yum."

"Yes, yum yum." Sirius was relieved to not hear an obscenity.

Sirius finished changing Harry and set him up at the table in his booster seat. Sirius warmed up some spaghetti and placed a child friendly bowl in front of Harry. Lunch was messy for Harry, who ended up with spaghetti sauce all over him. After Harry ate his fill, the bowl of spaghetti ended up on Harry's head, noodles falling on his face and sticking in his hair.

"Bloody hell!" Harry screamed loudly as he pushed the bowl down on his head.

"Harry, that's not a nice thing to say," Sirius said as he removed the bowl and cast a cleaning charm on Harry with his wand. "It's naughty, very naughty."

"Bloody hell naughty," Harry said. "Bad word."

"Yes, it's a bad word."

"Bad word." Harry repeated. "Shit bad word too?"

"Yes."

"Daddy not like bad word."

"I'm sure he doesn't, so don't say them."

"I want my cup!" Harry exclaimed. "I want milk."

Sirius sighed, hoping Harry would forget about the words. "How do you ask for things?"

"Please."

"I think it's naptime," Sirius said, hoping that Harry would wake up with no memory of the words. He found Harry's sippy cup and filled it with milk and placed a drop of the calming draught in it. He gave the cup to Harry and lifted him out of the booster seat. He found a book on the floor and placed Harry in his lap to read it, sitting in the armchair.

"No," Harry took the book from Sirius. "Down."

Sighing, Sirius put Harry down and let him toddle away. Harry picked up a different book off the floor, dropping the other one, and walked back to Sirius.

"Up, up." Sirius lifted him. "Read this book."

Sirius looked at the title, _The Alphabet and Numbers_. How exciting. Sighing, Sirius opened the book and began, "The letter A. Apple. Ant . . ."

"I want my teddy bunny bear!" Harry shouted as he sipped on the milk.

"Okay, I'll go get it," Sirius said as he placed Harry in the seat and went upstairs to grab this teddy bunny bear thing. Remembering where Severus said it was, he found it in the boy's crib. It was a large stuffed rabbit, purple in color.

Sirius returned downstairs and gave Harry the stuffed animal and placed Harry in his lap once more.

"Let's keep reading," Sirius continued through the book, though it was very boring in his opinion. As he got to F, Harry, whose eyes were starting to drop, spoke up.

"Shit bad word?" he said in a questioning tone.

"Yes, Harry," Sirius answered, hoping that this would be the last conversation he had about the words. "it's a very bad word. You can't say it, okay?"

"Bloody hell bad word, too?"

"Yes, that one too. You can't use those words. So, don't say them around your father, okay?"

"Okay, they bad word. Me good boy. Where my blankie."

Sirius laid Harry on the couch and covered him up with the small, green blanket.

"Night night?" Harry looked up at Sirius with tired eyes.

"Well, not quite," Sirius answered. "Just naptime."

"Me love Uncle Sirius," Harry said, closing his eyes. Sirius smiled softly at Harry.

"I love you, too, tiger cub." Sirius placed a kiss on Harry's cheek.

Harry fell asleep fairly quickly, his stuffed rabbit in his arms and his thumb finding its way in his mouth.

Sirius left Harry there and finished reading the daily prophet, though he kept thinking about how Severus was going to react if Harry ever used those words around him. The man would kill him and then he'd never be allowed to speak around Harry again. For about an hour and a half, Sirius just sat at the kitchen table, reading and sipping tea, fretting over how he was going to explain his slip in his language around a toddler in his mockingbird phase.

The floo flared and he heard Severus's footsteps in the room.

Sighing, Sirius stood and walked back to the living room. He saw Severus staring down at a slowly waking up Harry, a smile on his face. Harry yawned and looked up at Severus.

"Daddy," Harry said sleepily, lifting his arms up. "Up, up."

"Hey, Sleepyhead," Severus lifted Harry to his hip. "Did you have fun with Uncle Sirius?"

"Me have fun," Harry rubbed at his eyes. "Miss Daddy."

Sirius figured he should make his escape now. He walked across the floor and towards the floo.

"Was he good for you, Sirius?" Severus asked him upon noticing him.

"Oh, yes," Sirius answered. "An angel. I have to meet with Remus so I'm going to take my leave now and I'll see you around."

"Thank you for watching him," Severus said, swaying slightly in a rocking motion as Harry rested his head on his father's shoulder. "I owe you one. Maybe head out for a drink some night?"

"Sounds good," Sirius said, his hand itching to reach for the floo powder.

"Say bye-bye Harry," Severus said.

"Uncle Siri bye-bye?" Harry looked up at Sirius and as if he remembered something, he looked at Severus. "Daddy, bloody hell bad word."

Severus blinked and looked at Harry, frowning slightly.

"Excuse me? What did you say, Harry?" Severus asked.

"Well, goodbye Severus. Bye Harry," Sirius grabbed a handful of floo powder and stepped up to the fireplace.

"Shit bad word, too," Harry told his father.

Severus's eyes widened and his mouth dropped.

"Sirius Black!" The man shouted angrily.

"12 Grimmauld Place, living room!" Sirius shouted. And he was gone.

* * *

Thank you for reading! Please review and tell me what you think. And, of course, if you have any ideas you'd like to see in a one-shot.


	2. Fiddlesticks

I had to post another part to this story. I'm sure you're all dying to know how Severus gets back at Sirius. Enjoy!

* * *

"Bloody hell, Daddy!" Harry yelled as Severus fought a shirt over the little boy's head.

Harry had woken up during the night coughing and crying. Severus had been working on a special potion when he heard Harry on the baby monitor. He brought Harry a headache reliever and a pepperup potion, then spent an hour trying to rock Harry back to sleep. Now, Harry was miserable and tired and fighting with Severus at the changing table.

"You will definitely be taking a long nap later," Severus informed, ignoring the language.

"No nap!" Harry screamed. "Shit!"

He kicked his legs as his father laid him on his back and slid pants on. Severus sighed as Harry started crying. He would have liked if Harry had slept in, but the boy had been wide awake and calling for him – practically screaming in his crib.

Harry must have forgotten that 'bloody hell' and 'shit' were 'bad words,' as his wonderful uncle had taught him yesterday. They seemed to be the two words Harry wanted to say this morning. Severus continued to ignore the language, hoping Harry would slowly forget them if he didn't react. He had sent a note to Sirius requesting his presence in the morning. The man couldn't hide from Severus forever.

"Shh," Severus shushed as he slid socks on, "calm down, baby."

Severus lifted Harry and rocked him on his hip. Harry slowly calmed down till he was just sniffling.

"I want my teddy bunny bear," Harry said, tears welling in his eyes as he prepared to start crying again for the stuffed animal that didn't immediately appear in his arms.

Severus quickly moved to the crib and reached for the purple rabbit when an idea struck him. He smirked and picked up the toy.

"Here you go – oh no!" As Severus handed Harry the toy, he allowed it to slip from his fingers, dropping it to the floor. "Fiddlesticks!" He said with an angry tone.

"Fiddlesticks!" Harry repeated with just as much anger in his voice as he stared at his rabbit, reaching his arms out to it.

Severus gasped exaggeratedly, covering his mouth as he stared wide-eyed at Harry.

"Harry," Severus scolded, "what a naughty word."

"Fiddlesticks!" Harry said again, amused at the silly reaction his father had. It must be an even better word than the ones his Uncle Siri had said if his father reacted to this one and not the other ones. It was fun to say, too, and it was such a big word.

Severus reached down and picked up the rabbit, holding it so it faced Harry but was out of the boy's reach.

"That's my teddy bunny bear, I want teddy bunny, my teddy," Harry kept babbling as he reached his arms for it.

"You have to promise Daddy you won't say 'fiddlesticks' anymore," Severus said.

Harry gave a mischievous smile before saying, "fiddlesticks!"

"Do you want the rabbit, Harry?"

"I want it, Fiddlesticks," Harry reached for the bunny.

"Now you're name-calling?" Severus clucked at Harry, shaking his head, before giving the rabbit to Harry. Harry hugged it to his chest and stuck his tongue out, blowing a raspberry at his father. Severus snorted before carrying Harry downstairs and placing him in his booster seat – or at least trying.

"I not hungry!" Harry shouted as he resisted being strapped in the seat.

"Harry, stop it," Severus warned. He managed to strap Harry in.

Harry threw his rabbit and pounded his fists on the table.

"Now you're not getting your teddy bunny bear back," Severus decided as he walked into the kitchen where eggs and muffins were sitting with heating charms.

"No!" Harry cried, trying to see over the table to where his rabbit was. "I want my teddy bunny! I want it, now! Get it!"

"If you wanted it, why did you throw it?" Severus asked as he cut an English muffin in half and slapped on a little strawberry jam. He put it on a plate with scrambled eggs and blueberries. He carried it out to Harry, but set it out of his reach since Harry was still throwing a fit. He filled Harry's sippy cup with milk while Harry slowly calmed down from the lack of attention.

"Daddy?" Harry called.

Severus walked out of the kitchen and placed Harry's sippy cup down.

"I'm right here, baby," Severus said. "Are you calmed down now?"

"I want my teddy bunny bear," Harry said, his lower lip trembling.

"I will give it to you," Severus walked around the table and picked up the toy, "but if you throw it again, it goes back in your crib."

Harry accepted the toy and squeezed it tightly, his thumb finding its way to Harry's mouth. Harry watched as the plate of food was pushed towards him and his sippy cup was placed next to it. His stomach growled and he decided that he was hungry after all, grabbing a handful of blueberries to put in his mouth. Severus found a baby fork and handed it to Harry before he could grab a handful of eggs.

Severus put together his own breakfast and sat at the dining table. His great grey owl, Phantom, flew into the room with the daily prophet. Phantom was his newest owl, about four years old. Phantom accepted some scrambled eggs from Severus as the man accepted the paper.

"Here, owl!" Harry called to Phantom, holding his handful of scrambled eggs out to the bird.

"His name's Phantom, Harry," Severus said, reading the first page of the paper.

"Here, Phantom," Harry said as the owl stalked over to him and accepted the eggs.

"Gentle, Harry," Severus lowered the paper as he watched Harry pat the owl on the head, a little rough at first but the boy grew more gentle.

Phantom was a good owl but as all pet owners and parents know, kids could be very rough unintentionally, resulting in a bite or scratch. Severus gave a whistle and Phantom flew off to his perch in the master bedroom.

Harry blew raspberries from his mouth as he tried to whistle. Severus smiled and returned to his paper.

After breakfast, Severus set Harry up in the living room with several plushy toys, knowing that Harry was due for another tantrum before his nap and it would be better to have soft things flying around the room. Harry became engaged in a lively conversation with his stuffed rabbit and a stuffed lion, though Severus could only catch a few words that Harry said since he mostly spoke in gibberish.

Once Harry seemed happy enough, Severus happily waited for Sirius's arrival at the dining table as he finished his paper. Sirius should be arriving any moment.

The floo flared.

"Whoosh!" Harry shouted. "Uncle Siri!"

"Hi, Harry," Severus heard Sirius's voice. "Do you know where Daddy is?"

"Daddy play with me," Harry informed. Severus snorted. "Look at my lion!"

"How nice. Where's your father?"

"You play with me?"

"Not now, Harry, where's Daddy? Can you show me?"

"Look at my frog! Frog go rib-rib!"

"Ribbit, Harry. Severus!" Sirius finally called.

About time, Severus thought, why ask a two-year-old where his father is? They have the attention span of a fly.

"In the dining room, Sirius," Severus responded.

Sirius entered the room. He had to get back to work in thirty minutes, but clearly this was more important.

"I believe you owe me something?" Severus said, quirking an eyebrow at Sirius.

"I know," Sirius said, sitting at the table as well. "An apology. And I'm sorry, I didn't mean to curse in front of your child. I had hit my head on the low ceiling in the back of the closet and I kind of just reacted without thinking. I honestly didn't think Harry would copy me."

"What else would a growing two-year-old whose expanding his vocabulary do?"

"I know, I should have thought about that. But I didn't. And I'm sure Harry will forget about the words in a few days."

"I don't think you know how a child's mind works, and here I thought you of all people would understand that."

"I know, I – wait! What's that supposed to mean?"

Severus sighed agitatedly, glaring at Sirius.

"Look, Severus," Sirius decided to let the insult go. "I'm sorry for my language around Harry. I'll try to watch my mouth from now on."

Severus narrowed his eyes at Sirius before nodding once.

"See that you do," Severus said. "And I accept your apology."

Sirius waited as Severus returned to his paper. He watched the man closely. Severus secretly enjoyed how suspicious and confused the man was acting.

"That's it?" Sirius questioned. "You're not going to blast me across the room? Ban me from ever seeing Harry again? Cut out my tongue for your potions?"

"Why would I do any of that?" Severus asked. "Tea?"

Severus tapped the table and two cups of tea appeared in front of them. Severus picked his up and took a sip. Sirius stared down at his cup before looking back at Severus.

"That's honestly it?" Sirius frowned. Severus wasn't a man that didn't take the chance to get even in some way.

"You've apologized and I accepted. I'm not angry, a little bad language I can handle in Harry. Relax and have some tea."

Sirius eyed the drink suspiciously. He peered into the cup, sniffed it, and poked a finger in the liquid and touched it to his tongue. It was just ordinary tea. As far as he could tell.

"Oh, honestly, Black, if I wanted to poison you, I would strap you to a chair and watch you suffer as I poured the poison down your throat myself."

"How reassuring," Sirius mumbled as he took a tentative sip.

"How had the rest of your day gone?" Severus asked. "After you left my house like the Master of Death was after you?"

"Alright, I guess," Sirius frowned as he drank more of the tea. "Honestly, I was worried that you would come to my house and murder me in my sleep, but otherwise, it ended like any other day."

Severus merely took a sip of his tea. Sirius wondered what was going on. Why wasn't the man attacking him? Why was he just sitting there so calmly? He had taught the man's two-year-old how to curse – why was Severus just letting this go?

"How was the rest of your evening?" Sirius decided to ask to break the tense silence between them.

"Besides listening to Harry happily say words he shouldn't know and doesn't even understand? It was well, thank you for asking. I spent most of the night working on a new invention, a new potion to be precise."

"How exciting," Sirius frowned even more. "What was this new potion?"

"Pardon me, Sirius, but what were the words you taught my son, exactly? Just to refresh the memory."

"Didn't Harry say them enough?" Sirius asked.

"I want to know if those were the only words you taught him," Severus glared now.

"Okay, okay," Sirius put his hands up defensively. He lowered his voice so the toddler in the next room wouldn't hear. "The first word I said was sh-sh . . . sh-sugar!"

Sirius covered his mouth frowning. He was a bit confused. He had struggled to spit the word out and then he had said 'sugar?' What was that about?

"Excuse me?" Severus frowned.

"I told Harry sh-sh-shenanigans." Sirius shook his head and tried again. "Schmoogies! Shucks! Sh-silly piddly woo woo!"

Sirius's eyes widened as he rubbed at his throat, wondering what was wrong. His head hurt a little from the fight to get the right words out. He was so confused – what the hell was wrong with him?

Severus slowly allowed a smirk to appear on his face. Sirius stared down at his cup, realization dawning on him.

"That should teach you not to swear around my son," Severus said.

"Why you son of a b-b-bowtruckle!"

"How interesting, Sirius."

"What did you put in here?"

"Just a weakened version of the babbling draught with a drop of a weakened confusion draught. I told you I had worked on a new invention and it seems to be doing just well. I think I might call it the Choose-Your-Words-Carefully-Around-My-Son draught." Severus gave Sirius a pointed glare.

"Long name," Sirius commented. "When does it wear off?"

"This is the first time I'm seeing it in action, we'll just have to wait and see when it wears off," Severus smirked. "And I didn't make a counter potion for it, I didn't really have the time. You didn't say you still had work, did you? I hope your loose tongue doesn't slip. Who knows when this will end."

"No, no!" Sirius shook his head. "I can't go to work like this! D-d-dag nabit, make this stop!"

"Why should I?" Severus asked. "Now I know you can't slip around my son. I don't need his impressionable brain learning any more from a potty mouth."

"F-f-fiddlesticks you, Severus!" Sirius shouted. He couldn't go to work as an auror saying baby words like these! He couldn't imagine the humiliation when he explained to the Head why he was talking like this. He knew for sure he was going to slip during the day.

"Fiddlesticks!" Harry shouted as well as he toddled into the dining room. Who knew even his Uncle Siri said such a naughty word as his dad called it.

Harry toddled to his father and lifted his arms, saying "up, up."

Severus picked Harry up and settled him on his lap, staring at Sirius with an evil glint in his eyes. Harry rested his head on Severus's shoulder, feeling very tired.

"I believe you have to head back to work," Severus said. "I wish you the best. Say bye-bye to Uncle Sirius, Harry."

"Bye-bye," Harry waved to Sirius.

"Goodbye, Harry," Sirius stood, wishing he could throw that tea cup at Severus – or better yet, smash it over his head.

"Good day, Sirius," Severus actually smiled in the most malicious way he could.

"Have a fiddlesticking great day, Severus," Sirius growled before leaving by floo.

Severus finally chuckled as he rubbed Harry's back, rocking from side to side a bit.

"Weren't those some creative play on words?" Severus asked, giving Harry a kiss. "I hope that when you're older, you use those same words, do you hear me? Or you'll be taking that potion as well."

Harry merely snuggled into Severus more, his eyes closing.

* * *

Hope it was a great conclusion.


	3. Fiddlesticks Again!

This short has been so popular, I had to make a part three! It's short, really just a little interaction between Harry, Severus, and Sirius, but I hope you like it.

* * *

"Come on, Dad!" Harry whined as his father looked over his mostly completed homework at the dining table. "They're not even due for another week! And Hermione and Ron already left with everyone else to Hogsmeade."

"Harry," Severus growled, looking up at his son. "How old are you?"

"You know how old I am," Harry muttered, but at his father's stern look, he added, "fourteen."

"Then quit whining like a five-year-old and finish at least two of these assignments. It'd save you the trouble of rushing to get them done the night before."

"But, Dad, everyone is already –"

"They'd take you five minutes each," Severus said, holding up the two assignments in question. "You honestly just need your conclusions. Finish them."

"Just do as your father says, Harry," Sirius added, sitting at the opposite end of the dining table, stirring his tea absently. "There's a lot of daylight still and you haven't eaten lunch yet. Get those done, we'll eat, then head to what I wanted to show you in Hogsmeade."

"You're taking Dad's side?" Harry asked. "Uncle, you're supposed to be getting me out of this!"

"Just do your homework, Harry," Sirius said. "You're wasting precious sunlight."

"There you have it," Severus said, handing the assignments to Harry who took them begrudgingly. "Finish that while I make us some turkey cucumber sandwiches."

"This is fucking ridiculous," Harry groaned.

"Hey!" Severus snapped. "Watch your language or you'll be eating soap for lunch."

"It's not my fault your being bloody unfair."

"Harry, I'm warning you – keep this up and I will wash your mouth out."

"And what good will that do?" Harry challenged as he headed back for his room. "You've done it before – did it work then? I can still curse with a damn soapy mouth, you know."

Severus glared at his son's back until it disappeared in the boy's room. Honestly, the effort it took to get that boy to put a little more work into his homework was backbreaking. And that mouth the boy had. So a mouthwash didn't work, hmm?

"I'd give him a mouthwash if you'd like," Sirius uttered from his seat, still absently stirring it.

Severus would be surprised by Sirius's offer, but Sirius had had a rough week at work and he still had a lot to do over the weekend. But Sirius had decided that a good way to happily end his week was by spending time with his favorite godson – really his only godson. Severus didn't know why Sirius always added the "favorite" part. Sirius was still a bit tense and moody from his week, so the current attitude was entirely understandable.

"As much as I would love for you to suds his mouth up," Severus began, standing from his own seat, "I think Harry has a point."

Sirius looked up from his tea and stared in disbelief at Severus. "You're joking?"

"I am not. Harry's right, a mouthwash can't make him stop cursing. But I have an old remedy that will."

Severus left to the kitchen at that, leaving a rather confused Sirius at the dining table. Sirius simply shook his head and went back to repetitively stirring his tea. It was never a dull moment in this house. If it wasn't Harry and the fox Sam's silly antics going on, it was Severus's and Harry's silly arguments. Once Severus returned he set a platter of triangular sliced turkey cucumber sandwiches (a favorite in this house, Sirius noted) down in the center of the table. He poured more tea in his own cup, offered more to Sirius, which the man gladly accepted. Then Severus disappeared once more for a moment before returning with another cup of tea and setting it where Harry usually sat.

Finally, Severus called Harry back to the table for lunch.

"There," Harry shoved the parchments at his father for reviewal. "Are you happy?"

"I will be when you lose the attitude," Severus glared.

Harry sat in his seat and grabbed a plate and a couple sandwiches, Sirius doing the same. Severus briefly glanced over the homework assignments and nodded, setting them aside.

"They look completed," Severus commented, serving himself as well. "And was that so terrible? Was the extra ten minutes worth complaining about earlier?"

"Yes," Harry asserted, washing some sandwich down with tea.

"You're impossible," Severus rolled his eyes. "Honestly, it's as if you don't want to do well in school."

"My grades are fine. You're the impossible one!"

"I just want to see you do your best. And if pushing you to do a little more on your homework results in the current grades you have, then I see no reason to allow you to slack off."

"It's a weekend for Merlin's sake, slacking off is the point!"

"I feel," Sirius suddenly spoke up, "as though I always come on your disputing days."

"It's not your fault, Uncle Siri," Harry smirked over a long sip of tea. "Dad is just being a pain in the a-a-acorns."

Harry coughed and blinked. Severus slyly rubbed at his chin in order to cover up his smirk. Sirius frowned at Harry, glancing back and forth between Harry and Severus.

"I . . ." Harry started, rubbing at his throat. Why did he feel so confused all of a sudden? Sirius was giving him a strange look now. "I don't know why I said that. I meant a pain in the a-a _(cough)_ applesauce."

Harry blushed as he rubbed at his head, trying to hide between his arms. Sirius suddenly burst out laughing. Great, now he looked like a fool. What was wrong with him? He wasn't some baby that needed to watch the language coming from his mouth. Wait a second . . .

Harry looked over at his father, noticing the man trying to hide a smirk.

"So," Severus's eyes gleamed in amusement, "a mouthwash can't make you stop cursing, can it? But that certainly will."

"What did you do?" Harry exclaimed.

"I'm a Potions Master," Severus smiled maliciously. "What do you think?"

Harry gasped and studied his tea, swirling it around. He didn't see or smell anything odd though. Sirius finally managed to stop laughing. Harry looked over at his uncle then back at Severus.

"It's an invention I made years ago," Severus explained. "It confuses the words in your head, specifically swear words, and changes them to something less . . . naughty. I didn't think I'd ever have to resort to using it on my own son, though. But as you said, mouthwashes don't really work, do they?"

Harry blushed more when his father chose to say the word "naughty." He just had to challenge his father earlier, didn't he?

"So, I can't swear at all now? Not even something like d-dag nabit _(cough)_ or cr-cr-crab cakes! I really can't say a thing! Those aren't even that bad!"

"They're not very respectful though, are they?" Severus smirked.

"This is fiddlesticked up," Harry growled, throwing his hands up. Sirius laughed hard once more. Harry rolled his eyes and asked, "What the holly do you call that potion?"

"I like to call it the Choose-Your-Words-Carefully-Son draught," Severus answered.

"Oh, ha-ha," Harry mocked.

"Well, now that your homework is complete, you may go join your friends at Hogsmeade. I'm sure they're waiting for you."

"What, like this? No, fix me!"

"Why? At least I know my baby boy will try extra hard to be polite and watch his mouth around others."

"Bull shark!"

"I kind of like that one," Severus chuckled.

"Dad, c'mon," Harry pleaded. "I've learned my lesson. Honest! Next time, just scrub my mouth out!"

"How about next time, don't use such language?"

"Yes, yes! I won't use bad language. Now can you fix this already?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," Severus leaned back casually in his seat. "I never did get around to making an antidote for it."

"What!?"

"The potion only lasts the entire day, you'll be fine. Just get through until tonight without embarrassing yourself. I'm sure that'll be a piece of cake for you because I raised such a well-mannered young man."

"Fiddlesticks you, Dad," Harry snarled, standing and storming to his room to grab a cloak for the fall weather and his bag, leaving Sirius and Severus alone.

"I can't believe you still have that," Sirius said, where he was once again stirring his tea.

"It's a good recipe," Severus shrugged. "And it sells nicely."

"Who on earth buys it?"

"Oh, mainly parents. Though I did have a request for an altered version for a young miss wanting to get back at her cheating fiancé a couple years ago. That poor man couldn't talk dirty to his mistress all night."

"That's a way to kill the mood," Sirius grinned. "Why don't you ever use it on that cheeky fox of yours?"

"Because he only curses in Japanese. It'd all sound the same to me if he drank it or not."

"All these years and you don't know a single word in Japanese?"

"I've picked up on a couple."

Sirius snorted, "Well, I'll escort Harry to Hogsmeade. I still want to show him where we Marauders used to hang around the Shrieking Shack."

"Don't cause any trouble, mutt," Severus warned with a glare. "I could have dosed your tea as well."

"I think I'm bloody fine," Sirius stated, just to be safe.

Severus raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well, I'm bloggy not!" Harry yelled from his room.

Severus burst into laughter and Sirius just rolled his eyes. As long as Severus never dosed him with it again, he could live with listening to Harry's fun wordplay.

* * *

Alright, there's my final conclusion! For real this time! I'm so glad you all loved this story. I enjoyed writing it. Especially little cussing baby Harry. And remember, always open to more ideas - though I believe I've bitten off more than I can chew with all the stories I'm writing now. But I love to write!


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